Episode 12: Lots of Natural 20’s were rolled. WTF and What went wrong.

posted 14 Oct 2012, 09:32 by Geoff Gibbs   [ updated 14 Oct 2012, 09:32 ]

Danni’s Diary; My misspent knife.                    The (mis)adventures of the Talons.


Andy as Danni the Human Rogue

Geoff as Levin the Kobold (who thinks he’s an Elf) Warlord

Tony as Keira the Human Cleric

Matt as Galadin the Eladrin Wizard

Robin as Claw the Razorclaw Shifter Ranger


The 20th day of the sixth month in the year of our lord 2011, Mother, if you are reading this

1.                 Put it down this is private

2.                 I think the GM has been watching 28 days later too much.

3.                 Look mum will you just stop, STOP you’ve read enough already!!!!!!


When we last left the in(ept)trepid adventurers, the Talons were getting mugged by Zombies and some bloke with a glowing gem. Can the Talon’s overcome the zombies and find the key to the big zappy doors and then maybe finally find the Storm Crows and Danni’s sister. Do you still think after all this time the mediocre Talon’s could successful?  Honestly?


Right back to the zombie fight, only 2 zombies left, well one zombie and a zombie dog, as Levin has just killed the bad guy with a glowing gem. Whilst he is mid rant about the waste of a daily power, Galadin returns to the group after a 3 month sabbatical. We had hoped he had been on a dice rolling course because 9 times out of 9 his rolls suck, I mean really suck, but in fact his day job (being a Talon is not a

day job?) and car blowing up all (he’s a wizard surely he teleports everywhere?) got in the way. Anyway it’s good to have the happy go lucky curmudgeon back.


Rant over, Levin heals Danni who yet again is unconscious on the floor, she can’t get hit as hard as she hits apparently. Galadin shoots the zombie still attacking Danni, dazing an already slow zombie, so now we are losing to a really really slow zombie. Meanwhile Klaw twin strikes the zombie dog to death (natural 20 rolled number 1). Levin then performs a manoeuvre, and kills the last remaining zombie.

“Fatality Lizard wins!” comments Geoff, tumble weed rolls..........after the abuse.


Looking more closely around the room, the Talon’s find an altar, (I won’t mention that every dungeon needs at least 1 that rant is finished) that was once dedicated to the Raven queen has been given a makeover an how sports the colours of Orcus, BOO HISS! The dead bad guy with the glowing gem was, in true Scooby Doo style, Illugi Sword-breaker an ex Storm Crow, the glowing gem is a shard that the Talon’s have been looking for except this one has been corrupted with dark necrotic magic and stuff, as Danni has a resistance to necrotic stuff she takes it. He also has a rune inscribed key, funny how the runes look similar to the runes on the zappy door we need to open. The Talon’s also find, 500gp, 221s and 10 rubies worth 50gp each. The dead zombies where also ex Strom Crows but only had 100gp and a pair of diamonds worth 100gp each on them. Finally the Talons decide to return the alter to the Raven Queen, so it is skill check time, for once no failures, then a golden light appears, a choir of crows sings and the alter is good to go again. Bonus: Levin and Klaw are now proper Talon’s, itchy hands and all. We have now reached the heady heights of level 5.


Time for a long rest. AH that s better!

Time to tackle the big Zappy door, Levin runs up to it and looks lovingly at it, he wants to hug it but Galadin stops him. Then Galadin decides to use the OBVIOUS key hole, BANG! The Door zaps everybody except Danni and Keria, who wisely decided to stand AWAY from the door. Levin grabs the key and then uses it on the rune that Danni pointed out. The door opens.  Hurrah!!


[GM] “Along the corridor before you there is a large pentagram scribed into the floor with blackened scorch marks to either side. Past this the corridor reaches a tee junction.”


Levin looks at a large corridor with a large pentagram on the floor, surrounded by burn marks. Yet again the pentagram has words on it we can’t read. At either end of the corridor we can see some coffins and a fountain. We decide the coffins are more interesting.


[GM] “To the west is a lit mausoleum. Two coffins are sealed & two are open.”


Levin wanders over to look at the large coffin, Danni and Klaw follow closely behind, no traps yet, Keria (who has been remarkably quiet tonight) and Galadin, hang back not scared of the traps we didn’t find. Still no traps found instead we find a fight. Guess what more zombies appear, then in fleeting moment of brilliance from the Talons

most of the zombies die.


Levin shoots 1 killing it!

Danni chucks a dagger at 1 killing it.

Klaw (natural 20 rolled) overkills one with Twin strike, and then tries to cuddle up with Danni. Fail.

Galadin kills 3 zombies with his chilly cloud of zombie doom.

“Sub zero wins!” comments Geoff, more tumble weed.

Keria going for glory misses the last one, there’s always one to bring the Talons back down to earth.


Then a Wraith appears from the biggest coffin, “I was hoping for a mummy” Levin quips. The Wraith taking offense to the attempted joke attacks Levin, weakening him, not that it really matters as he rarely does damage. Then 3 spectres appear, all called Phil, Clueso, Bliofelt, etc at some point, more tumble weed.

Again another fleeting moment of brilliance occurs and death to everything happens with not much damage dealt to the Talon’s in return. The fight highlights on Pay per View on HBO, in HD, 3D were:

Lots of Daily powers were spent (well we had just reached level 5 and wanted to see what they could do) Keria had read a book and retrained herself to turn the undead, then promptly failed to do anything at all, maybe she needs to read the book again.

Galadin uses the spell Bigby’s icy grip, and grabs a couple of spectres, (to be honest with you Bigby sounds like a brown flasher mac wearing Muppet character)

Klaw rolls many natural 20s when using twin strike, yet when using his new daily power, rolls 4 on 4 D8’s, different dice you see. In a glorious tag team style, Levin and Danni combine for a killing of a spectre, then the wraith.

Klaw kills the other two spectres with the help of Keria, and Galadin.

Room looting occurs. The Talons find, a crown, now worn by Levin, Cat step boots, also now worn by Levin, maybe he’ll set less traps off now. 180gp, 221sp.


Off to the more boring fountain room then, Galadin examines the fountain then drinks from it, closely followed by Klaw.


[GM] “Before you, a glowing pool fills from a fountain. The whole area smells damp and patches of green slime & mould cling to the walls and ceiling.”  “The pool has a strong but chaotic magical aura. Multiple effects mix in that aura, obscuring your ability to discern one from another.” To the south is a steel door, through which you can make out a lever on the wall about 5 feet away.


Levin and Danni try and fail to open the door; Danni borrows Keria’s staff to help open the door, in her attempts she stands on a trap, and acid pours from the ceiling, missing her but catching Galadin. Also thanks to the trap, green slime monsters appear and engulf Klaw and Keria, Danni is still failing to open the door.


Tune in next time same bat time same bat channel, to see if the crime fighting duo can escape the evil green slime and if Danni and Levin can understand the physics of levers and doors.