D&D: Hartsveld II

Episode 12: Lots of Natural 20’s were rolled. WTF and What went wrong.

posted 14 Oct 2012, 09:32 by Geoff Gibbs   [ updated 14 Oct 2012, 09:32 ]

Danni’s Diary; My misspent knife.                    The (mis)adventures of the Talons.


Andy as Danni the Human Rogue

Geoff as Levin the Kobold (who thinks he’s an Elf) Warlord

Tony as Keira the Human Cleric

Matt as Galadin the Eladrin Wizard

Robin as Claw the Razorclaw Shifter Ranger


The 20th day of the sixth month in the year of our lord 2011, Mother, if you are reading this

1.                 Put it down this is private

2.                 I think the GM has been watching 28 days later too much.

3.                 Look mum will you just stop, STOP you’ve read enough already!!!!!!


When we last left the in(ept)trepid adventurers, the Talons were getting mugged by Zombies and some bloke with a glowing gem. Can the Talon’s overcome the zombies and find the key to the big zappy doors and then maybe finally find the Storm Crows and Danni’s sister. Do you still think after all this time the mediocre Talon’s could successful?  Honestly?


Right back to the zombie fight, only 2 zombies left, well one zombie and a zombie dog, as Levin has just killed the bad guy with a glowing gem. Whilst he is mid rant about the waste of a daily power, Galadin returns to the group after a 3 month sabbatical. We had hoped he had been on a dice rolling course because 9 times out of 9 his rolls suck, I mean really suck, but in fact his day job (being a Talon is not a

day job?) and car blowing up all (he’s a wizard surely he teleports everywhere?) got in the way. Anyway it’s good to have the happy go lucky curmudgeon back.


Rant over, Levin heals Danni who yet again is unconscious on the floor, she can’t get hit as hard as she hits apparently. Galadin shoots the zombie still attacking Danni, dazing an already slow zombie, so now we are losing to a really really slow zombie. Meanwhile Klaw twin strikes the zombie dog to death (natural 20 rolled number 1). Levin then performs a manoeuvre, and kills the last remaining zombie.

“Fatality Lizard wins!” comments Geoff, tumble weed rolls..........after the abuse.


Looking more closely around the room, the Talon’s find an altar, (I won’t mention that every dungeon needs at least 1 that rant is finished) that was once dedicated to the Raven queen has been given a makeover an how sports the colours of Orcus, BOO HISS! The dead bad guy with the glowing gem was, in true Scooby Doo style, Illugi Sword-breaker an ex Storm Crow, the glowing gem is a shard that the Talon’s have been looking for except this one has been corrupted with dark necrotic magic and stuff, as Danni has a resistance to necrotic stuff she takes it. He also has a rune inscribed key, funny how the runes look similar to the runes on the zappy door we need to open. The Talon’s also find, 500gp, 221s and 10 rubies worth 50gp each. The dead zombies where also ex Strom Crows but only had 100gp and a pair of diamonds worth 100gp each on them. Finally the Talons decide to return the alter to the Raven Queen, so it is skill check time, for once no failures, then a golden light appears, a choir of crows sings and the alter is good to go again. Bonus: Levin and Klaw are now proper Talon’s, itchy hands and all. We have now reached the heady heights of level 5.


Time for a long rest. AH that s better!

Time to tackle the big Zappy door, Levin runs up to it and looks lovingly at it, he wants to hug it but Galadin stops him. Then Galadin decides to use the OBVIOUS key hole, BANG! The Door zaps everybody except Danni and Keria, who wisely decided to stand AWAY from the door. Levin grabs the key and then uses it on the rune that Danni pointed out. The door opens.  Hurrah!!


[GM] “Along the corridor before you there is a large pentagram scribed into the floor with blackened scorch marks to either side. Past this the corridor reaches a tee junction.”


Levin looks at a large corridor with a large pentagram on the floor, surrounded by burn marks. Yet again the pentagram has words on it we can’t read. At either end of the corridor we can see some coffins and a fountain. We decide the coffins are more interesting.


[GM] “To the west is a lit mausoleum. Two coffins are sealed & two are open.”


Levin wanders over to look at the large coffin, Danni and Klaw follow closely behind, no traps yet, Keria (who has been remarkably quiet tonight) and Galadin, hang back not scared of the traps we didn’t find. Still no traps found instead we find a fight. Guess what more zombies appear, then in fleeting moment of brilliance from the Talons

most of the zombies die.


Levin shoots 1 killing it!

Danni chucks a dagger at 1 killing it.

Klaw (natural 20 rolled) overkills one with Twin strike, and then tries to cuddle up with Danni. Fail.

Galadin kills 3 zombies with his chilly cloud of zombie doom.

“Sub zero wins!” comments Geoff, more tumble weed.

Keria going for glory misses the last one, there’s always one to bring the Talons back down to earth.


Then a Wraith appears from the biggest coffin, “I was hoping for a mummy” Levin quips. The Wraith taking offense to the attempted joke attacks Levin, weakening him, not that it really matters as he rarely does damage. Then 3 spectres appear, all called Phil, Clueso, Bliofelt, etc at some point, more tumble weed.

Again another fleeting moment of brilliance occurs and death to everything happens with not much damage dealt to the Talon’s in return. The fight highlights on Pay per View on HBO, in HD, 3D were:

Lots of Daily powers were spent (well we had just reached level 5 and wanted to see what they could do) Keria had read a book and retrained herself to turn the undead, then promptly failed to do anything at all, maybe she needs to read the book again.

Galadin uses the spell Bigby’s icy grip, and grabs a couple of spectres, (to be honest with you Bigby sounds like a brown flasher mac wearing Muppet character)

Klaw rolls many natural 20s when using twin strike, yet when using his new daily power, rolls 4 on 4 D8’s, different dice you see. In a glorious tag team style, Levin and Danni combine for a killing of a spectre, then the wraith.

Klaw kills the other two spectres with the help of Keria, and Galadin.

Room looting occurs. The Talons find, a crown, now worn by Levin, Cat step boots, also now worn by Levin, maybe he’ll set less traps off now. 180gp, 221sp.


Off to the more boring fountain room then, Galadin examines the fountain then drinks from it, closely followed by Klaw.


[GM] “Before you, a glowing pool fills from a fountain. The whole area smells damp and patches of green slime & mould cling to the walls and ceiling.”  “The pool has a strong but chaotic magical aura. Multiple effects mix in that aura, obscuring your ability to discern one from another.” To the south is a steel door, through which you can make out a lever on the wall about 5 feet away.


Levin and Danni try and fail to open the door; Danni borrows Keria’s staff to help open the door, in her attempts she stands on a trap, and acid pours from the ceiling, missing her but catching Galadin. Also thanks to the trap, green slime monsters appear and engulf Klaw and Keria, Danni is still failing to open the door.


Tune in next time same bat time same bat channel, to see if the crime fighting duo can escape the evil green slime and if Danni and Levin can understand the physics of levers and doors.

Hartsveld II D&D Campaign - Session 35.

posted 8 Sep 2012, 03:24 by Geoff Gibbs

Tues. 28th Aug 2012 at Oxford Meeples Gaming club.

After talking with Private Zanphist, the PC emerge from the Herbalist shop,  only to be confronted by Lt. Stymers, looking for a fight after he has discovered one of his cronies dead in the warehouse. A battle ensues, during which many things happen, including:-
  • Galadin manages at least 6 misses in a row, before contributing anything useful to the fight.
  • Danni rushes over to confront the whole squad by herself, and is promptly put down.
  • Geoff takes on the 3 Dire Boars, and wins.
  • Claw does a lot of running around and sneaking away, but very little damage!
  • Dave makes lots of flashy lights and sound and then manages to hurt Danni (from his perch on a roof) before she goes down.
  • Dave discovers that the Sinstone he thought he had taken from Danni is just a useless lump of rock.
  • Dave manages to use every single power he knows during the fight!!!!

Eventually the group triumph and Danni is revived, only to succumb to her compulsion to Coup-de-Grace any helpless victims. But Claw picks up an unconscious soldier and carries him off to safety…..  and Danni comes to her senses just in time.

Session 34 - One Small Step for Dwarf...

posted 6 Aug 2012, 01:16 by Geoff Gibbs

The group wake up and decide to go do some shopping in Wyrmcrest Fort. At the store they learn of strange dealings at the warehouse, so go there to investigate. After the group is told to mind their own business,  Danni sneaks into the warehouse to investigate. She finds crates of military supplies which have been put aside with the markings removed, so that they can be sold privately. When the dwarf guard goes to his office she follows to see what he is doing, then when he is drunk and helpless she goes to have a nose…..
…….  But comes to her senses 5 mins later with a dead dwarf in front of her and her dagger in his chest!!!
Ignoring what happened, she has a good look around, finding manifests which have been doctored and a scheduled pickup of goods by a passing merchant in a weeks time all signed by Lt. Stymers. She decides to return to the rest of the group at the avalanche inn and report what she has seen.
Meanwhile Dave goes to the Herbalist to see what he can find out and ends up buying some drugs and getting information about the Captain of the Garrison plus the recent saving of a ranchers daughter, who was brought back to the garrison after her family were wiped out by raiders.
Galadin decided to go to the barracks and find out who is in charge. He speaks to a grunt through the door and is told that Lt. Stymers is out on Patrol and that Capt. Revince is also out on assignment & not due back till tomorrow.
        Geoff’s dwarf meanwhile decided in his drunken state to go talk to one of the guards atop a watchtower. He climbs up 30’ to the top and speaks to a Tiefling guard by the name of Zanphist.  Zanphist tells him that he doesn’t trust Stymers, and he saw the Captain go into the Herbalist shop earlier in the day. So Geoff in his haste to get to the herbalist shop and investigate forgets where he is (in his drunken state) and steps off of the tower, falling 30’ to the ground below. He takes a hefty amount of damage, then gets up and staggers off along the road toward the herbalist’s. Witnessing his fall, Danni and Pelias come out and follow Geoff along the road. At the same time Galadin & Dave hear the commotion and return to the road to see the bruised and battered dwarf staggering along.
        Entering the herbalist shop and talking to Phil the proprietor, the group soon discern that he is lying and Geoff barges out into a back room and on through another door into a storeroom, as the other follow him more cautiously. Danni meanwhile decides to look around outside to see if there are any windows. There are only skylights in the roof, so she climbs up and looks down. When she sees Capt. Revince and a young lady in a back room she carefully opens the window and takes a pot shop at him.
Once the rest of the group enter the back room, a fight ensues during which the ‘young lady’ is revealed to be a succubus whoe has two spined devil allies hiding in an adjacent room. Danni is attacked by one of the devils when it flies up out of the roof window.
The fight ends when the succubus flies out of the roof window charms Danni and flies off, leaving the devils to be finished off by the group and Capt. Revince to come out of his enchanted state.

Session 33 : Back After a Prolonged Absence

posted 7 Jul 2012, 06:55 by Geoff Gibbs

As the final blow was struck at in the Crypts of Halcyon manor and all the bad guys were defeated, the group heaved a big sigh of relief. Then Danni walked over to the dying bad guys and did a strange sort of ritual with one of her daggers.  At first this went without too much comment until Galadin spotted that her eyes changed to black Orbs as she drew the last of the life force from the helpless enemies.

Slight confusion followed, while Danni finished off the bad guys and then turned her attention to the tied up Eladrin on the floor at the back of the crypt. Geoff's character immediately restrained her, while the others tried to talk her down. She came to her senses, just in time. Tony's new Eladrin Bard called Pelias, had only just survived his first encounter!!

Next the group looted the bodies and cleaned up the shrine to the Raven Queen & the wraith spirits of the Halcyon ancestors re-appeared asking to be freed, which the group did and earned the reward of the Halcyon family fortune and title deeds to the manor. (group HQ!)

Shortly after this the avatar of the Raven Queen appeared and granted blessings to those characters who re-affirmed their willingness to follow her (Geoff refused!)
During the ritual she gave a warning to Danni, who refused to listen and turned her
back on the Raven Queen losing her blessings. Leading the rest of the group to believe that she is under the influence of the crystal shard in her Blade.

After a long rest the group packed up and continued their journey into the Serpentcoil Mtns and Fort Wyrmcrest.
The journey involved 2 nights camping along the trail and several things of note occurred:-
- Furry rabbits and giant snakes,
- Wolverines ransack Tony's tent,
 - Other travellers meet the party and camp nearby, after narrowly avoiding open conflict.
- A skunk attacked Matt's tent, leaving a nasty smell.
 - Dave fell asleep during his watch & the camp was overrun by marching ants. Nobody was hurt thanks to Geoff waking up just in time.
 - Once the group realised what had happened, Dave was vilified unmercifully for the rest of the session.

Finally the group reached Fort Wyrmcrest and took lodging for the night, more fun and games occurred in the tavern when Dave lost his temper and tried to blast Geoff's character, getting himself arrested and thrown into a cell for the night......
…. Only to be freed by Danni.

The players decided to set some ground rules about character actions before packing up the session.

Episode 11: OMG Zombies

posted 30 May 2011, 14:58 by Geoff Gibbs

Danni’s Diary; My misspent knife.
The (mis)adventures of the Talons.

Andy as Danni the Human Rogue
Geoff as Levin the Kobold (who thinks he’s an Elf) Warlord
Tony as Keira the Human Cleric
Robin as Claw the Razorclaw Shifter Ranger

The 16th day of the fifth month in the year of our lord 2011, Mother, if you are reading this:
1.      Put it down this is private
2.      Boy do I never want to see Garlic Mushrooms on the GM’s menu ever again.
3.      Look mum will you just stop reading this, please, pretty please, I’ll tidy up my knives.

When we last left the in(ept)trepid adventurers, the Talons were getting ready to enter Master Chief with a good hearty roughly chopped fungus risotto favoured with flakes of Mr Big Bad. Maybe find the key to the big zappy doors and then maybe find the Storm Crows and maybe Danni’s sister.
       Did you really think the Talon’s could be that successful? Well for those that don’t want to read this tripe they were sort of, well 50% of the mission was completed, half marks, well that’s just average and it has been a long time since the Talons where anything but mediocre. For those that have built up immunity to tripe here is the nights action packed D&D session in all its Technicolor bumbling dice fumbling glory.

       Jumping right back into the action, the Talons had just killed a fungal Seymour from the Little Shop of Horrors, when more yet fungus appear including a suggestively shaped Fungal Blood Horn (can you get ointment for that?), 2 annoying fungal gumps and a fungus priest “OHM OHM all bow down to your new slimemordial god!!!” Well that’s what we think it mumbled.  The newly arrive fungi start to hit the Talons hard, well that is nothing new.

       Levin at this point can count his HP on one finger, commands Klaw to hit the fungus gump that is hitting him, command is a strong word, pleads is closer. Klaw whose afro is starting to flop (see last month’s farce, I mean action packed session for the reason) proceeds to hit the gump, hit him, hit him with your twin strike stick yells Levin, Klaw manages to be put off by Levin’s yelling and does 5 damage, which the fungus regenerates (because as we all know regeneration is what you
need if you want to be a Levin breaker) this combat could be going on for a long time. Levin uses Klaw’s distraction of the fungus to have a quick healing surge.
       A fungal gump and the Fungal Blood Horn thanks to Levin now known as Mr Phallus, (thanks for nothing Levin that is one mental image I never ever wanted but now have burnt into my conscious), attacks Danni and misses. Danni gets her slice and dice on and bloodies the gump.
       Keria heals Levin a bit more, then shoots Mr Phallus with her Lance of Thingymajig and does 25 points of radiant damage, which is then transferred to the smaller gump. Bet he is a fungi at parties.

       At this point, the fungal friends attack back and for once show the Talons how to be mediocre, Keria takes 4 points of damage from the priest, Danni is bloodied and Levin looses all his standard actions for a round.
       Levin and Klaw are picking on the gump with varying degrees of failure, Danni decides to burn a daily power and throws a lot of knives at the gump killing it and Mr Phallus doing a lot of damage, and blinding them for a round. Keria lances the fungus priest that attacked her or yet more radiant damage, she is on fire tonight maybe her God is allergic to fungus or something. It is at this point the Talons discover that fungus have tremor sense so been blinded isn’t much of a hindrance to them; however the GM rolling a natural 1 for Mr Phallus helped Danni greatly especially as she only had 9 HP remaining.  The remaining fungi continue to be mediocre.

       Levin leaving Klaw to continue the prolonged fight with the gump they have been fighting for the last hour of the session, heads off to help out Danni with Mr Phallus after she bloodies him, first he tries tap dancing to confuse the tremor sense, when that fails he tries walking on water whilst shooting the fungus with his daily power that works as he kills it.
       Keria with yet more massive amounts of radiant damage kills the priest, and then to add to the coolness factor heals Klaw for that final flourish, this allows Klaw to finally kill the gump with a combination of daily powers and interrupt attacks.
       With everything fungal dead and bleached, Levin and Keria decide to have a rest, Klaw and Danni loot the room, Klaw examines the fungus and discovers that it is mouldy, Danni finds a rusty chest that rattles, upon opening it she finds a small key, which cunningly fits into the door lock of the door in front of her. Danni opens the door. At this point Levin awakes, yells “DOOR!!!!!!!!!!!” and runs into the room.

       GM [The door opens easily with a gentle tug, unleashing a blast of violent purple light followed by the charnel stench of death. A short corridor leads 10’ into a small rectory. The room contains two tables with chairs, a moth-eaten bearskin rug, two unlit braziers similar to those in the temple above, and 3 small beds with footlockers in an alcove. A small altar sits against the northern wall.
Rotting corpses lay in heaps near the beds and tables. Each dressed in leather armor, now tattered & crusted with dried gore, they all appear to have been half-devoured. One corpse sits before the altar, legs curled beneath it, head bowed as if in prayer. This one is little more than a mummified husk, and its moth-eaten clerical robes bear the dire skull symbol of Orcus. Around its neck hangs a long, deep blue gem on a crude leather thong. The gem glows brightly with a dire purple light that fills you with queasy dread.]

Klaw takes the magic bow that has been left in the middle of the room. And the following happens,
Levin finds. ZOMBIES.

GM [ The rectory is suddenly filled with a low, guttural moaning. To your horror, the corpses, no longer simply inert flesh, climb unsteadily to their feet. The gem around the neck of mummified cleric pulses brightly as the undead horrors lurch to the attack. ]

Levin does his moth impression and heads towards the shiny gem, Levin to the zombie with the gem “You look a bit pale are you alright?” and then promptly fails to nick the gem of him.
OMG ZOMBIES, as we all know traditional D&D zombies are slow, smell, fester, go GRR ARRGH a lot and don’t really like dying again. Thus as the Talons proved this was going to be a slow fight where it took a long time to kill stuff. The highlights go like this:

Klaw fires his new +1 Thunder strike magic bow, and discovers that shooting does more damage than his swords can.
Zombies go GRR ARRGH!
Mr Big bad with the shiny gem shoots everybody except Levin and throws Klaw and Danni out of the room.
Danni realises that not taking a rest between encounters was not a good idea as she has less than 15HP for the entire encounter.
The Talon’s discover that Keria our Cleric DOES NOT HAVE TURN UNDEAD, that is bad.
Willow looks hot. Zombies go GRR ARRGH!
Danni drops to 10HP. Zombie dogs like eating Keria and Levin.
Klaw strikes a heroic pose or two on the zombie he just killed.
Keria does lots of radiant damage. Willow still looks hot.
Danni fails to steal Mr big Bad’s shiny gem, he replies with “Brains, Brains, Brains”
Klaw goes for a 1 and ½ Levin manoeuvre with twist in pike (he shifts, then shoots his bow twice with twin strike).
Zombies go GRR ARRGH!  Evil Willow is even hotter.
Danni deals 33 points of damage to Mr Big Bad (later on we discover that 35 was needed)
Danni drops to 1HP with 1HP of ongoing damage waiting, and then unsurprisingly falls unconscious.
Keria heals everybody.  Danni falls unconscious again.
Levin kills Mr Big bad with his daily power and finds out that he only needed 2 points of damage to kill him, has a grump about misuse of Daily powers. There are no zombies left to go GRR ARRGH!

Tune in next time same bat time, same bat channel it see if our inept gang can maybe this time find the key to the big zappy doors and then
maybe finally find the Storm Crows and Danni’s sister. Do you still think the Talon’s could ever be that successful? Honestly?

Episode 10: Mr GM’s Cubic Fungi Period.

posted 21 Apr 2011, 10:41 by Geoff Gibbs   [ updated 22 Apr 2011, 05:27 ]

Danni’s Diary; My misspent knife.
The (mis)adventures of the Talons.

  • Andy as Danni the Human Rogue
  • Geoff as Levin the Kobold (who thinks he’s an Elf) Warlord
  • Tony as Keira the Human Cleric
  • Robin as Claw the Razorclaw Shifter Ranger
The 18th day of the forth month in the year of our lord 2011,
Mother, if you are reading this
  1. Put it down this is private
  2. Yes, I know I have a dentist appointment on the 27th.
  3. Please, Please stop reading my diary!!!!!!!!
When we last left the in(ept)trepid adventurers, the Talons were getting ready to open the scary door i(t has skull and crossbones 
drawn in blood on it. It also has some writing on it but more of the group can read) at the end of the Kenco’s party room.

Levin opens the door, well he is the Talons walking trap detector after all, he is also the one wearing the most armour but we haven’t told him that yet. Levin also uses his everlasting chalk to cross out the warming in an attempt to make the door less scary; LEVIN WOZ ERE;) in his best Elven handwriting sort of does the trick. Disappointingly nothing happens. The Talons go down the newly revealed stairs to find a smelly rubble strewn corridor. The decaffeinated Kenco’s really needed a Molly Maid but its too late now to worry about that.

Ever the guilty party Levin apologises for the smell.

The rubble strewn corridor leads onto an even smellier room, Levin apologises again, blaming his everlasting provisions; his poor Elven (cough KOBOLD cough) body can’t take the protein.

Anyway, the room is large, smelly and has a small door on the south wall, a very large set of steel doors on the north wall. These doors are encrusted with runes (runes not ruins, so we don’t need the time
team to tell us that the site might be ritual), that the Talons yet again cannot read, time to go to (k)night school for a GCSE in Draconian me thinks. There appears to be an altar, it’s always an altar, why can’t it be a hat stand or a ping pong table, at the other end of the room, and just in front of our valiant explorers is a large column holding the roof up. Finally there are several large green slimy patches on the floor.

Klaw wonders over to one of the slime patches, and prods it a bit, finds out nothing other than it is the source of the smell not Levin. Levin decides to poke another one, and then the slime gropes him, causing a surprisingly pleasurable shock for Levin. Fight time, the Talons are oozing for a bruising. Levin shoots the groping ooze, allowing Klaw to get in on the action and bloodies it, (can oozes be bloodied or are they desiccated). Klaw kills the ooze, then Keria goes to have a closer look at the column holding the up, guess what there are more oozes waiting for her, after she gets gropes by several of them, she shouts, actually she’s screaming In a Penelope Pit stop style HELP, HELP, HELP I’ve been groped by an ooze!

Danni charges in to help Keria by sloppy slapping the oozes, Levin true to form offers “help” by missing an ooze with a arrow, then shouting at Keria to do something, anything about the ooze groping her. Keria decides that missing the ooze groping her is the best course of action. Klaw frees Keria by killing one of the oozes, Danni another one. Keria tries to shoot the last remaining ooze directly in front of her with her Lance of Faith, guess what she misses, she really needs to get more buzz for her staff. After a few more rounds of faffing about, the oozes have now well and truly been Harpic(ed).

With the ooze’s (oozei (9mm), what is the plural of ooze, clean answers on a postcard please, dealt with the Talons decide to explore the rest of the room, the altar is, well altar like, you know, burning incense holders, nice purple cloth covering the odd blood stain. Then Klaw spots a treasure chest, he makes the mistake of pointing it out to the rest of the group. The next thing Klaw knows is he’s being pushed aside as Levin charges towards the chest. Then 2 squares away from the chest in a glorious matrix bullet time effect things start to go wrong, but that’s just another day at the office for the Talon’s.

Levin at full sprint has just run head long into our GM’s masterful trap. Yes our wondrous leader Levin, our scaly tailed Elven friend has run head first into a GELATINOUS CUBE! The cube happy with a free lunch starts to digest him. Now we all love a gelatinous cube and we know GM’s love the cubes to, but when one is standing (blobbing?) in front of the treasure that we all know is ours, because we found it and the bad guys were stupid enough to leave it there the cube has to die. Getting Levin out will be an added bonus, we think.

Klaw lacking in any ranged weapons, moves next to the cube, and starts to cut little bits off it. The cube lets call it Phil, attacks back with, cue 80’s music, stone washed jeans, a white buttoned up shirt, slightly balding head, a dodgy leather jacket, a Su Su Pseudo pod. Reeling from this unwished 80’s onslaught Klaw is immobilised, fearing what might come next.

Danni delves into her back pack, and after a brief CSI montage of picking up evidence, finding the gun or in Danni’s case a hand held crossbow, goes back to the lab to test fire said crossbow into the jelly to match the arrowhead for the court case. In other words Danni shoots the cube, Levin looks on in horror as he realises Danni is aiming at him, with a mischievous look in her eyes she fires, much damage to the cube and the shot just coming up short, stopping an inch of so in front of Levin.

Levin, breaking out his fake moustache, pink woolly jumper and best Freddie voice, starts singing I want to break free. He doesn’t.

The Cube engulfs Klaw, a green triangular pseudo bod appears muttering MMMMM strawberry. Klaw escapes and then gets engulfed again, he escapes again, this time Keria drags him away, heals him then shoots the cube, Levin looks on in horror, Keria misses, bubbles appear around Levin, its those everlasting provisions again.

Levin still in full Freddie mode, again fails to break free, this time saving the rest of the Talon’s from his singing by falling

Danni and Klaw flank the cube, Keria ready to drag them free if needed. Have our heroes set themselves up for an epic fail. The cube sets his pseudo pods onto them, GM all Phillip Schofield like “Can you beat the cube?”

AD break

“Can you beat the cube?” asks the silver haired fox; “Yes!” reply Danni and Klaw, who both have reaction attacks waiting. The cube is dead, and we can open the treasure Hurrah and heal Levin Boo, sorry Hurrah.

After all that we find, 1200 copper pieces GM joke LOL, gold necklace worth 10GP, 3 x silver stuff worth 5GP each, 5 x silver pearly stuff 15GP, 15 Gem broaches worth 65GP. It at this point the Talon’s decide to take a long rest.

We Rest, rest a bit more, and a little while longer.

Klaw and Levin get bored. They walk over to the big steel doors and start investigating. Klaw discovers the door hums, Levin that the runes are magical. Then before Klaw can stop him, or get out of the way Levin pokes a rune. NNNOOOOOO!!!!!  cries out Klaw, then there is a big bang; Keria and Danni turn around to see a rather flashy flash of lightening, Klaw and Levin flying backwards, landing prone, (taking 22 points of damage each) with little tufts of smoke coming from their hair. Klaw currently (pun intended) looks like a 70’s reject, back combed afro from head to toe, at least he wasn’t in razor claw form otherwise he would be forever known as Poodle boy. Klaw has a little word with Levin at this point; well a large forceful 4 lettered word anyway.

Having let the boys have their fun Danni and Keria open the slightly mouldy door at the other end of the room to discover a slightly mouldy set of stairs leading on to another slightly mouldy door. The Danni carefully pushes the walking trap detector down the stairs (trying not to suffer the effects of a discharge from Levin), disappointingly no trap. The other door is opened, nothing happens. The Talon’s find a medium sized chamber, with a slimly pool of water in the middle, 2 alcoves to either side and guess what an alter at the other end, “UM No” the GM explains “It’s a big plantly thing”, there goes another one of the unwritten universal rules of dungeons. All over the chamber walls is a bioluminescent fungi.

On entering the room Levin gets attacked by a fungal vine with a big mouth, appearing out of the slimy pool “Feed me Seymour, Feed now!” The Talons pile into the room, Klaw entering with the sound of some WAH WAH guitar and slap bass, afro resplendent in the bioluminescent glow. More fungus appears including a Fungal Blood Horn (can you get ointment for that?). There wasn’t mushroom left.

Tune in next time same bat time, same bat channel it see if our inept gang can enter Master Chief with a good hearty risotto. Find the key to the big zappy doors and then maybe find the Storm Crows and Danni’s sister. Do you really think the Talon’s could ever be that successful?

Danni’s Diary; My misspent knife.

posted 23 Mar 2011, 07:11 by Geoff Gibbs   [ updated 23 Mar 2011, 07:21 ]

The (mis)adventures of the Talons.

Episode 9

I have a cunning plan, me Lord.


  • Andy as Danni the Human Rogue
  • Geoff as Levin the Kobold (who thinks he’s an Elf) Warlord
  • Tony as Keira the Human Cleric
  • Robin as Claw the Razorclaw Shifter Ranger

The 21st day of the third month in the year of our lord 2011,
Mother, if you are reading this
  1. Put it down this is private
  2. None of this happened it’s all false, a complete and utter fabrication of the truth, I just went out with a few friends for a quiet drink.
  3. No, none of them fancy me, I think, I hope.
When we last left the in(ept)trepid adventurers they had found a large secret(it is not so secret any more) underground lair, infested with bird like Kenco’s (the strong emu blue lidded jar kind), having decaffeinated them our heroes are left with the choice of which of the 3 doors in front of them to open.

Levin the Talon’s walking trap detector decides to open the middle door. It creeks, we see a long boring corridor, Levin closes the door, it creeks. Next Levin opens the door on the left, it creeks, it is a shorter corridor, Levin closes the door, it creeks. Then in a moment of pure inspiration Levin decides to open the door on the right, it creeks, it is the shortest corridor yet, this time we see a left corner at the end. Levin runs down the corridor, for once disappointingly (well for the rest of the group it was) Levin doesn't set off, the only sure fire method of finding them, any traps. Around the corner is another door.

As the rest of the group follow on behind, Levin opens the door, it creeks, can’t the bad guys get some wax for the hinges next time they terrorise the local village? He see a large room, couple of chairs, a cosy fire, an Ikea table, matching Billy book case and some more Kenco’s this time with a little baby dragon, and his slightly bigger brother Mr Drake. Awkward. The Kenco directly opposite the door yells
“COR COR INTRUDERS COR COR !!!!” (It’s in capitals so it looks like he’s shouting) then rather accurately throws a dagger at Levin. The Talon’s do what they do the mediocre(st) they join in with the fighting and start to bundle into the room, at this point they discover a really bad smell, I’ve got a really bad feeling about this, Chewie put the gun away, there’s something in here, C3PO!!!!!!!!

Anyway back to the action. Keria for once goes first, after a brief prayer, a few ohms, and the odd hallelujah, she waves her staff at the dagger throwing Kenco, FIZZLE, and she forgot to change the batteries. The Kenco that was sitting at the table stands up, puts his wizard shaped hat on and declares he’s casting
“COR COR DEATH FLOCK COR COR”, the group exchanges a few slightly worried glances, well puzzled expressions then the GM rolls a 1, so we will never find out what it does now.
“Flock off” replies Levin, Keria almost ROFLs, Claw kicks around the tumble weed and Danni rings the church bells…………..

In a repeat of last months antics, the little baby dragon takes a liking to Keria, it would have been Tufty but he was absent, lucky him. At this point having heard the yell
“COR COR INTRUDERS COR COR” the Kenco mini me’s join the fight and the Talon’s are outnumbered.

The fight goes badly, first Danni goes down then Keria heals her so she stands up, the Keria goes down and Levin heals her so she stands back up, then Danni goes down and Keria heals her, etc, etc. Meanwhile Claw is making slightly less heavy going of killing stuff. Amongst this madness, Levin gets hit hard by the baby dragon’s bigger brother Mr Drake, Levin then stuns the group to confusion by announcing that he had a teacher called Mr Drake, maybe the baby dragon ate his homework we wonder.

The fight continues to be mediocre but the numbers of dead Kenco’s and mini me’s start to increase.

Somehow during the fight Levin gets forcefully ejected from the room back into the corridor. He closes the door behind him on the way out, it creeks. Then a new set of Levin manoeuvres starts, Open door, it creeks, shoot something, miss the something, close the door, it creeks. After a few rounds of this Levin decides to do something useful. This time he opens the door, over the creaking yells
“DANNI GET OF YOUR ARSE AND HIT SOMETHING, KERIA YOU DO THE SAME!” then closes the door, it creeks. For once the girls decide that Levin is having a good idea and does what he says (insert joke here.) Death to bad guys occurs.

Whilst all this has been going on, Claw has quietly been killing Kenco’s and wounding the Mr Drake, who then wanders off, Once Claw, Danni and Keria have cleared the room, Levin makes a grand entrance, opening the creaky door declaring the fight over. Claw finds Mr Drake in his bed and decides to lock him in his cage; Levin thinking this was a bit cruel leaves him some food from his everlasting provisions. He might look funny for an elf but he has a big heart. They have a quick rest and enjoy their first milestone moment together.

The Talon’s have a bit of an explore and find, an amulet of heath +1, 12 GP, the Kenco’s bog, and 15 SP. Whilst wandering down the very long corridor they found earlier, the Talon’s hear what sounds like a Kenco party going on, who knew that Tubberwaretm (it keeps the coffee fresher) had made it to the D&D world. Levin our great leader hatches a cunning plan in true Blackadder style.

“Right lads the plan is, I’m going to go and open the other door to this room, open it yell some abuse at the bad guys, close the door and run back to this door. Then we’ll give them a minute to follow the corridors around to us and we’ll run into the room and surprise those who stayed behind, deal with them and then finish off the knackered ones who have just run around to the other door.”

The plan Danni heard was as follows
“Blah, blah, blah, run, blah open door, blah, fight, blah, fight some more, blah, blah, blah.”

Dear reader as you can properly tell things didn’t go to Levin’s plan, doors were opened, they creaked, abuse was yelled, fights broke out where they shouldn’t, Levin had a minor strop, Keria knocked everything over in the room, she had fresh batteries in her staff, Danni turned things into a red mist with her daggers, Claw had a fight with the Kenco captain (no it wasn’t Gareth Hunt; Mr Nescafe himself) Levin shot at things and didn’t miss for a change. In short, death to the bad guys ensued despite the lack of plan following  After a looting the room and finding 134 GP, a nice round number that, 10 assorted gems worth 50GP each, and 3 potions of healing, handed to Levin and Keria.

After a short rest hoping to make the mythical second milestone, the Talons get ready to open the door at the end of the room, just to make it a bit scarier it has skull and crossbones drawn in blood on it. It also has some writing on it but more of the group can read it.

Tune in next time, same bat time, same bat channel to see if Grot bags is behind the door. Who’s at the door? Who’s at the door? Who’s at the door? Chants the crowd in the pink windmill.

The Further Final Scribbles of Grandeur of Methrein AKA the (mis)adventures of the Talons.

posted 1 Mar 2011, 00:36 by Geoff Gibbs

Episodes 7&8: (Two for the price of one, it’s a BOGOF adventure.)

Fights, Farewells, Feisty Femmes and Food Part 1

Staring in Episode 7:
Andy as Methrein the Goliath Warden
Geoff as Levin the Kobold (who thinks he’s an Elf) Warlord
Tony as Keira the Human Cleric
Tufty as Tufty the Half-Elf Sorcerer
Matt as Galadin the Eladrin Wizard
Robin as Claw the Razorclaw Shifter Ranger

When we last left our intrepid (inept) adventurers, they had just
found the lair of the evil drake lord Bejik and were about to break in
following the D&D step by step guide book, it goes.

Step 1: Open the large trap door
Step 2: Climb down into the big pit of doom. (This is yet another
chance for Keira to show off her falling skills, sorry climbing
Step 3: Hunt for traps, or as the Talons do it use Levin the walking
trap detector to find them for them. At this point Levin lights a
touch, takes two steps down the corridor and then stops dead. Green
gas appears, is Levin scared, Oh no it’s a trap! The detector has done
its job.

At this point some indecision happens, a common occurrence with the
Talons. Galadin teleports past the trap then waits for everybody else
to get through it, whilst being helpful by using grumpy sarcasm to aid
the helpless Levin. Claw, Keira and Tufty decide wait for the gas to
dissipate. Methrein sort of helps Levin by bull-rushing him though the
remaining traps. At this point Galadin makes the grand announcement
that he is to take on the role as group curmudgeon, we thought you all
ready were came the groups response.

The gas still is not dissipating.

Now that Levin and the torch as made it past the gas, he, Galadin and
Methrein can see that they are in the underground foundations of a
massive collapsed tower, with broken statues and walls all over the
shop. All the others can see is green gas which is still not

Suddenly it all goes very dark as all the torches go out, then
Methrein gets hit, hard, very hard. Levin relights the torch to see
Methrein getting hit by the following, arrows from somewhere up high,
an angry ghost of a Dragonborn lady, and Bejik the evil drake lord.

The gas still is not dissipating.

Claw runs though the gas cloud to help Methrein, Keria closely
following behind. Tufty waits a bit morefor the gas to dissipate
(Tufty to Matt, well I am Sorcerer after all.). Galadin takes a swipe
at the ghost, then realises that she is the one mentioned in the
family tree we found last month and is being tricked into helping the
big bad Bejik. So he in his own unique way explains this by going “OY
YOU read this” this is the edited family friendly PG version of
events. The ghost stops hitting Methrein for a bit of a read. After a
bit more “conversation” with Galadin the Ghost joins the good(ish)

The gas still is not dissipating.

Tufty tired of waiting for the gas to dissipate runs through it and
finally joins in the fight, only to be attacked by a friendly baby
drake, which starts to bite him repeatedly. Levin shoots at the baby
drake and finally after what seems like months the “elf” hits it. The
dice are rolled for a massive 2 damage! Well worth the wait! Tufty
must have baby drake nip in his pocket as it continues to chase him
around the tower. After a while Levin uses his word of inspiration on
Tufty, it goes something along the lines of avoid the cute baby drake,
please, pretty please. It doesn’t work Tufty and the baby drake
continue to play together. Eventually Tufty kills it.

While back at the other fight, the Ghost, Claw and Methrein are
attacking Bejik with varying degrees of failure. Keria and Galadin are
providing healing support and again with varying degrees of failure
shooting at the snipers. Then there’s are great cry and then silence
as 2 arrows slam into Methrein (Natural 20 from the GM) killing him
outright no chance of saves.

Moment of silence for Methrein our fallen hero.

A moment passes.

Right back to the fight………………it goes on and on and on and on and on,
you get the idea.

Episode 7 part II: This time it’s more. AKA episode 8
Fights, Farewells, Feisty Femmes and Food Part 2

Andy as Danni the Human Rogue
Geoff as Levin the Kobold (who thinks he’s an Elf) Warlord
Tony as Keira the Human Cleric
Robin as Claw the Razorclaw Shifter Ranger

Danni who’s on a mission to find her sister, a member of the missing
Storm crows, has been sent by the Raven queen to aid our intrepid
heroes arrives, after several days of hard travelling, finds them in
the middle of a fight, so being the angry violent young lady she is
jumps straight into the fray. First off she runs straight through the
gas cloud that still hasn’t dissipated to see Claw and a Dragonborn
ghost attacking the big evil Bejik’s drake. So she throws a dagger
(one of many) at the drake and hurts it big time (thanks to a natural

Meanwhile Levin is being shot at by the snipers, so shoots back and
(un)surprisingly misses. Keria runs off to help him. Levin looks
through a window to find a Dragonborn sniper also looking through it,
awkward, Levin shoots at him misses (again barn doors spring to mind),
then hides next to an open door, cunning plan that, the Dragonborn
sniper walks thought the door and hits Levin. Keria heals Levin, and
then a complicated set of “Levin Manoeuvres” ensue (AKA shift, shoot,
miss and run). Levin asks Keria to join in with the fight. So keria
helps by trying to shoot the enemy again with the same success as

With yet another natural 20 rolled with combat advantage and
backstabbing bonuses, Danni turns the drake into a large red mist.
Claw and the ghostly lady turn their attention to the big bad himself,
Claw takes quite a pounding. Then Danni with a sly flourish turns him
into more red mist thanks to the bonuses provided by the flanking

After a bit more faffing around the others with some assistance from
Claw and Danni finish off the remaining snipers. Whilst the others
stop for a rest, Danni goes on a bit of a looting session and finds:

1*Poison great spear +1
Amulet of Health +1 given to keira
A ritual book in Dragonic maybe she can’t read it so who knows
Wild runner boots +1 taken by Danni, as they go quite well with her

After even more faffing about Keria works out the drakes where being
tamed by a magic circle which she destroys and in the process finds a
letter written to Bejik. It goes Blah Blah Blah, you have won 1000000
gold coins, please send your bank details to.... Only joking it reads.

Your dedication to our cause is to be commended. I am, however still
short of the promised mounts.
My patience grows thin as plans need to be implemented. I will return
to check on your progress.
The larger beasts are to be trained first, ready for coming events.


Our heroes head back to the village of XXXXX for a celebratory beer or
three and some everlasting provisions (get Levin a nose bag for
decency‘s sake). They also find out a little more about the
disappearance of the Storm crows. The next day the head back to the
place where they met Methrein, which was the Storm crow’s base for a
little while, for some more exploring. Keria informs the others that
the house was searched before and nothing but a trap was found. Claw
and Levin decide to search the water tower so happily burnt by
Methrein, everybody goes a little misty eyed yet won’t admit it. Levin
with his usual style finds nothing Claw finds a secret passage

Levin the walking trap detector out front does his job and finds the
trap, this time the stairs down into the passage turn into a slide,
WEEEEEEE! Levin slides to the bottom and find himself surrounded by
drakes and Kencos (the strong blue lidded jar kind, not the wussy
decaffeinated green ones).

Danni runs down the slope to aid Levin, blinds and bloodies two of the
enemy in one stunning burst of controlled violence (hate to see her
when she’s really angry). Claw rushes in after her and sets to work on
the blinded foes, Keira brings up the rear and for once gets involved
with some combat, to every bodies surprise she’s not that bad with a
quarter staff. Then for the first time, Levin comes out of his scales
and proves he’s the elf we know him (not) to be and his true
leadership skills come out, Claw and Danni are moved, shifted and
given many extra attacks, much death of evil bad guys occurs and by
the end of it even Keira manages to claim a kill.

Now then; Which door out of the three in front of us to chose from
will bring gold beyond our wildest dreams, that or the Storm crows,
hopefully door number 2 won’t be a Hot Spot (random game show
reference time).Tune in next week, same bat time, same bat channel

Next time we open Danni’s Diary: My misspent

January 17th 2011

posted 19 Jan 2011, 05:25 by Geoff Gibbs   [ updated 20 Jan 2011, 05:35 by Martin Sage ]

The Further Scribbles of Grandeur of Methrein AKA the (mis)adventures of the Talons.
Episode 5 or 6 depending on who missed which session.

Andy as Methrein the Goliath Warden
Geoff as Levin the Kobold (who thinks he’s an Elf) Warlord
Tony as Keira the Human Cleric
Tufty as Tufty the Half-Elf Sorcerer
Matt  as Galadin the Eladrin Wizard
Robin as Claw The Shifter Ranger

The secret diary of Methrein aged 24 and bit winters.

Dear Diary,

After a very rough nights sleep in a dark damp cave, climbing up a cliff, a minor apocalyptic vision, I felt ill very ill, OH NO Goliath flu (like man flu but bigger), managed to dislocate a rib and got stuck in snow. That was a good day LOL. Still all is not bad with the world as I’ve caught up with my friends again after they left me and my germs behind. Even better news they’ve got themselves in a fight! I finish up later after getting me some action……….. (Fighting that is)

OH yeah some ranger bloke (I wish I was better with names) has joined our valiant party.

The late to the fight Methrein charges into combat, with an evil drake rider after Keria kills of his drake. Galadin misses the drake rider with his icy missile of doom spell; Robin charges in towards the combat but cannot get near as Methrein got there first.

Tufty after his earlier heroics on top of a nearby building gets hit by a poison bomb from a newly revealed sniper and falls unconscious. Keria decides to help Tufty by climbing up to him, attempt 1 fail, attempt 2 fail then finally she gets out her grabbling hook and hooks the building ready to try again. Tufty groans a lot. Meanwhile Levin is covering them with his bow with varying degrees of failure.

Back to the fighting with the evil drake rider, Methrein fails to hit him, and then gets used a punch bag by the evil drake rider. Claw and Galadin manage to bloody the rider.

Finally Keria manages to climb up the rope after a few more fails, to find Tufty starting to recover (natural 20 during the rolls for death) grumbling that with all the clanging around he couldn’t sleep. Levin still fails to provide covering fire, or is that provides covering dire?

Back to the fighting with the evil drake rider, Methrein hits him and then sets him on fire (feel the burn) killing him. Its overkill but the evil drake rider is dead and that’s what counts. Then, Suddenly another sniper shoots into the action.

Tufty and Keria climb down from the building to get some cover from the snipers. Levin, always the smallest nutter, climbs up the building to get a better shot at the snipers, who knows he may hit something now.

Methrein the bigger nutter, runs toward the building containing the sniper who knocked Tufty unconscious, climbs up the building and then runs out of breath. Bugger, the sniper casually puts down his crossbow and drawing his sword hits Methrein, who manages raven knows how (natural 20) not to let go of the wall. Meanwhile Tufty to help out Methrein starts to snipe the sniper. Methrein climbs over the parapet only to get hit by the sniper and fall unconscious. This could be a problem. Tufty kills the sniper, as he is throwing Methrein over the parapet. Methrein cannot fly, and proved Newton correct; at least the universe still works as it should.

Over to the other battle with another sniper on another building, Claw charges though the door and runs up the stairs to get at him, pausing below a trap door ready for a surprise attack ironically. Galadin and Levin provide the covering fire. Well Galadin does. Levin on the other hand realises that he is out of range (by 1 square) so decides to make up for this by jumping off the building and shooting the sniper in a true action movie style. It goes like this in glorious slow mo.

Levin leaps off the building, Shoots his bow (it is looking good, dare we say stylish),
Tries to score, Epic fumble (natural 1).
Newton is proved right again!
Wipes it up with a tissue, Brushes himself down
(by an earlier mistake Levin had resist 10 all damage till the end of turn, GM rolled exactly 10 damage for the fall),
States "That went well!" and walks off whistling,
Galadin says to Levin “you cock”
Levin says “I’m not a cock I’m an elf!” (Says it all really!!).

After Levin’s epic fail he runs over to Methrein, beating Keria to him and manages to heal him,
Claw finishes off the other sniper and we win.   Hurrah!

After looting the bodies and buildings find,
4 daggers worth 250gp, A vial of anti venom,
A Tyberax family tree, 4 potions of healing (tufty, Levin, Robin and Methrein take these),
And most importantly of all, the item which causes the most excitement for Levin and Methrein;
A piece of Eternal chalk.

Then after a bit of arsing around with statues of former dragon born lords, that chalk again,
the group in a cowboy posse walk head off for the fight with the big bad and very evil puppy-drowning drake lord and more of his mates.

Tune in next time, same bat time same bat channel.

Dear Diary,

My head hurts, seem to remember falling of a building don’t know why……..

Martin's account of Nov 15th Session

posted 18 Nov 2010, 14:00 by Geoff Gibbs

After recovering from the shock in the vision the group continue down into the crater of Wyrmfang peak, on the way down they reach a plateau with a dragonborn warrior statue on it, there are similar statues at regular intervals around the entire crater. Levin points out to the talons that these could be some form of guardians, so they approach the one facing them.

            A voice rings out from the statue warning the party to go no further, as this place is now the domain of the dead. They enter a dialogue with the statue which emerges as a ghost of a dragonborn warrior by the name of Varak Tybercax. Succeeding in a skill challenge the group discover that Varak serves the last remaining descendant of her noble line, a dragonborn by the name of Bejik. However they also discover that Varak is unhappy with this servitude as Bejik is a worshipper of the dark god Zehir and this dishonours her family name.

            Having earned her trust, the dragonborn warrior does not attack, but phases back into the statue, whereupon a band of undead creatures attack the party. A short battle ensues and the Talons emerge victorious.

After resting for the night, the Talons continue down the crater to the base where the remains of the ruined city lie scattered everywhere. As they near the central mound of rubble they are attacked by a band of dragonborn guards. Two snipers atop ruined towers fire at the party while a brigand attacks at ground level.

The sorcerer Tufty uses his powers to fly himself and Galadin up to one of the towers, where they fight a sniper. While Harbek, Levin & Keira attack the Brigand. The brigand is killed early on but the snipers prove difficult foes, and from a larger tower to the east another brigand flies in astride a warwing drake to join the battle. The sniper in the south tower, attacked by Tufty, eventually falls and the Talons turn their attentions to the brigand on the Drake.

[Session finished here.]

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